WARNING: This may not be a "warm and fuzzy" post but I feel like I need to write about what has happened. I feel that it will help me to heal in a way. So, if this post is too much for you, I'm sorry. I promise better days are ahead and I will continue to document our journey!
It is amazing to see how much my life has changed. Just last week I was writing about how great my pregnancy was going. That all changed last Sunday, May 23rd. I woke up in a panic because I was spotting. I spoke to the on call doctor and he said it was common and that I should just take it easy. I honestly felt like there was nothing wrong. But, when I woke up on Monday and was still spotting I knew I needed to see my doctor. Unfortunately my doctor was booked so I saw the on-call doctor in the office. By this time the bleeding had increased and changed in color. I knew this was a bad sign. Thankfully Seth was able to meet me at the doctors office and we sat patiently waiting to see what the doctor had to say. After two attempts to hear the heartbeat, he got me into see the sonogram tech. I knew something was wrong when she started measuring my growth and the babies growth. For a minute I thought that maybe I was okay. I could see significant growth in the baby compared to last time. That all changed when the doctor informed me that the baby had passed. My body had continued to grow and progress but that the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. It made me sick to think that our baby had been passed for two weeks and I didn't know. I begged the on call doctor to let me see my doctor. I needed her to come in and explain everything going on. I needed the reassurance for a familiar face to let me know that I, we would be okay. Dr. Neville came in and explained that I would need surgery to remove the baby and that the earliest she could get me into he OR was Wednesday May 26th at 4:30pm. It was so hard seeing Seth breakdown and cry. In the 7 years we have been together I had never seen him cry. It was heartbreaking. Thankfully my mother, sister, and Granny all were able to meet us back at home. We called Seth's parents and told them the sad news and asked if Janie, Seth's mom could come stay with us. She was able to make it by 8pm that night. Having our families here was truly a blessing.
Things started to change late Tuesday night. I began to bleed a bit more and cramping increased. By 2am Wednesday morning the cramps became worse and by 7am I was in full labor with contractions every 3-5 minutes. It was the worst pain I had ever felt and I knew there was no way I was going to be able to wait for surgery at 4:30pm. By 8:30am I was bleeding a lot and passing huge clots. So my mom, mother-in-law, and Seth helped me get up and go to the doctors office. My doctor quickly confirmed what we ALL already knew....I had "passed" the baby at home. I will never forget what that felt like. Thankfully my doctor was able to get me into surgery quickly and remove the extra tissue. My doctor truly did not think that I would progress as quickly as I did or she would have never sent me home to wait for 2 days. I could tell that she felt awful for what my family and I had just gone through. I can not thank our mothers enough for being here for Seth and I. I know that we could not have made it through this week without them both. I am also very thankful for my amazing husband. As awful as this week has been I feel closer and more in love with him than ever before.
Now that two days have passed I am feeling better physically but not emotionally. All I want to do is cry. I know it will take time but I am ready to feel normal again.....if only I could remember what that feels like.
It is also good to know that I am not alone. I have talked to may people who have been through the same thing and all of them have children now. I know that patients and time will help us heal. We will try again when my doctor thinks the time is right.
I am blessed in a way...In February I thought I couldn't get pregnant and I did. Then my body did what it is made to do when I experienced the feeling of labor and contractions. I know that my body works and that one day we will have a child.
I just ask that you all please continue to keep us in your prayers!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment