How quickly things can change...

WARNING: This may not be a "warm and fuzzy" post but I feel like I need to write about what has happened. I feel that it will help me to heal in a way. So, if this post is too much for you, I'm sorry. I promise better days are ahead and I will continue to document our journey!
It is amazing to see how much my life has changed. Just last week I was writing about how great my pregnancy was going. That all changed last Sunday, May 23rd. I woke up in a panic because I was spotting. I spoke to the on call doctor and he said it was common and that I should just take it easy. I honestly felt like there was nothing wrong. But, when I woke up on Monday and was still spotting I knew I needed to see my doctor. Unfortunately my doctor was booked so I saw the on-call doctor in the office. By this time the bleeding had increased and changed in color. I knew this was a bad sign. Thankfully Seth was able to meet me at the doctors office and we sat patiently waiting to see what the doctor had to say. After two attempts to hear the heartbeat, he got me into see the sonogram tech. I knew something was wrong when she started measuring my growth and the babies growth. For a minute I thought that maybe I was okay. I could see significant growth in the baby compared to last time. That all changed when the doctor informed me that the baby had passed. My body had continued to grow and progress but that the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. It made me sick to think that our baby had been passed for two weeks and I didn't know. I begged the on call doctor to let me see my doctor. I needed her to come in and explain everything going on. I needed the reassurance for a familiar face to let me know that I, we would be okay. Dr. Neville came in and explained that I would need surgery to remove the baby and that the earliest she could get me into he OR was Wednesday May 26th at 4:30pm. It was so hard seeing Seth breakdown and cry. In the 7 years we have been together I had never seen him cry. It was heartbreaking. Thankfully my mother, sister, and Granny all were able to meet us back at home. We called Seth's parents and told them the sad news and asked if Janie, Seth's mom could come stay with us. She was able to make it by 8pm that night. Having our families here was truly a blessing.
Things started to change late Tuesday night. I began to bleed a bit more and cramping increased. By 2am Wednesday morning the cramps became worse and by 7am I was in full labor with contractions every 3-5 minutes. It was the worst pain I had ever felt and I knew there was no way I was going to be able to wait for surgery at 4:30pm. By 8:30am I was bleeding a lot and passing huge clots. So my mom, mother-in-law, and Seth helped me get up and go to the doctors office. My doctor quickly confirmed what we ALL already knew....I had "passed" the baby at home. I will never forget what that felt like. Thankfully my doctor was able to get me into surgery quickly and remove the extra tissue. My doctor truly did not think that I would progress as quickly as I did or she would have never sent me home to wait for 2 days. I could tell that she felt awful for what my family and I had just gone through. I can not thank our mothers enough for being here for Seth and I. I know that we could not have made it through this week without them both. I am also very thankful for my amazing husband. As awful as this week has been I feel closer and more in love with him than ever before.
Now that two days have passed I am feeling better physically but not emotionally. All I want to do is cry. I know it will take time but I am ready to feel normal again.....if only I could remember what that feels like.
It is also good to know that I am not alone. I have talked to may people who have been through the same thing and all of them have children now. I know that patients and time will help us heal. We will try again when my doctor thinks the time is right.
I am blessed in a way...In February I thought I couldn't get pregnant and I did. Then my body did what it is made to do when I experienced the feeling of labor and contractions. I know that my body works and that one day we will have a child.
I just ask that you all please continue to keep us in your prayers!

Blessed.....

I must say, I have had a pretty good pregnancy so far. I have had days where I feel "blah" but I haven't thrown up yet and that is a GOOD THING! I would say the hardest part so far has been not being able to sleep. It takes me forever to get comfortable because I am normally a stomach sleeper and I can not get used to sleeping on my side. It is also hard to sleep when I am up every 3 hours to use the restroom. I have finally started sleeping with the bathroom light on because I am sick of running into the wall in the middle of the night. But, aside from the lack of sleep I consider myself pretty lucky. Now I just pray it stays that way.
On Wednesday I have my next appointment. I can not wait. It is so hard waiting a month to go to the doctor. I am also excited because Seth will be going to this appointment with me. I can't wait for him to hear the heartbeat of our sweet baby.
I am also excited because I only have 9 more days of work until summer break. I look forward to sleeping late, and organizing the house to prepare for the baby. My house is so unorganized right now and it's driving me crazy. It will be great to just focus on the house all summer.

31 weeks to go....

A very long 31 weeks to go....
This is a very BIG week for Baby Bean Herrick. Our baby is the size of a prune, but is now taking human shape. Bones and cartilage are forming along with knees and ankles taking shape. Teeth are starting to form under the gums and the stomach is forming digestive juices. (Yuck that sounds kinda nasty) AND...if it's a BOY he is producing TESTOSTERONE.
Which brings me to my next topic....BOY or GIRL. I have always wanted a girl and everyone has told me to look at the Chinese Gender Chart. So, I did and it says we are having a BOY! Of course I would be happy with a happy, healthy boy...... but boys can't wear bows, and tutu's. So, we shall see. Honestly this week I have thought that it's a boy. I have heard it's normal to go back and forth on what you think/feel you are having. I just wish I knew now so I can start shopping.

This week I felt really good until yesterday. I woke up with a bad headache and nausea. I ended up going back to bed and sleeping it off. I know that my doctor said I could take headache meds but I am too scared. This week I have also felt HUGE. I haven't gained any weight but I guess everything is moving around and my clothes are fitting different...NOT FUN.

So, we are pretty much set on names but I still like to hear what other people think...
any name suggestions???

So Sleepy....

I know I haven't posted in a while....SORRY. All I want to do is sleep. I have become very fond of naps right after work. The last week has been good. I haven't had any "real" sickness and I consider myself lucky! My first "Mother's Day" was great. My mom got me the cutest necklace that says, "Mom to Be" on it. I just love it. We spent Mother's Day with Seth's family. It is always great to visit with them. Mard and Janie gave me a rocking chair. I just love it. I can not wait to find out what we are having and start decorating the room. The rocking chair is going to look great in the babies room!

Sunday is my day.....

Ok...I am so annoyed with this blog! I have been attempting to post and it's not working.
So, lets try again.....3rd times a charm????

Sundays are the day that my pregnancy week ends...so Sunday I was officially 7 weeks along. I know this thanks to my favorite iPhone App, "What to Expect When Expecting." This is the greatest App ever. It gives me info about what is going on with our baby and with my body. I love it!! I also love www.babycenter.com This site sends me weekly updates with information. This week I got an email telling me "Things that are UNSAFE during pregnancy!" This is so helpful seeing how my doctor was too excited about the sonogram to sit and go over things NOT TO DO! Don't get me wrong I love having a doctor that is truly excited that I am pregnant after everything that happened earlier in the year.

Now an update on baby bean Herrick..... This week the baby is 0.5 inches or the size of a Raspberry, this is up from last weeks blueberry. This week the eyes, ears, and nose are starting to take shape. Also, the fingers and toes are starting to take shape and no longer look web-like! High Five to real fingers!! Woo~Hoo

Update on Seth: I can tell that he is very stressed out but that may also have something to do with his new job. I am sure it hasn't fully set in with him that he is going to be a daddy. It may take him seeing the baby to fully fall in love. But, I know he will be a GREAT daddy and I can't wait to enjoy this journey with him!